OC Register, April 28, 2010 - Parenting a teenager is hard enough – but what if you're the parent of a teen who has autism? Where can you go for guidance on how to teach them about what comes after high school?

Lynn Kern Koegel, who co-founded the renowned Autism Research Center at the Graduate School of Education at UC Santa Barbara, and her writing partner Claire LaZebnik, a parent of a child with autism, decided to give parents a place to turn for support, advice and hope.

Koegel and LaZebnik have written “Growing up on the Spectrum – A Guide to Life, Love and Learning for Teens and Young Adults With Autism and Asperger's” for parents.

What does “living on the spectrum” mean? Having certain behavioral characteristics associated with autism and Asperger's syndrome.

LaZebnik's son Andrew, a high school student, provides insight that most books on the subject of autism never seem to include – the point of view of the child. He is honest in relating his feelings about growing older and how he copes with subjects like being teased, going out with girls, and his feelings about going to college.

College, where he hopes to major in computer design and building Web sites, will bring Andrew a step closer to living independently, but he knows it won't be without challenges.

“I am looking forward to being able to major in something that I really want to do for a career. I think it will be very stressful, but a great experience,” he says in the book. “I want to live with roommates, but not with anyone who is rude and would make me miserable.”

The book is separated into sections that address five aspects of adolescence on the spectrum: friendship, romance, school, life during and after college, and improving life. They also tackle parental concerns – dating, maturing bodies, bullying (both as targets and perpetrators) and how to get and keep a job.

The most important thing to concentrate on with this group of teens is their communication skills, the authors say.

LaZebnik feels schools have a tendency to work on education, but parents need to demand that their children's individual education plans include ways to include them in social situations that reach beyond being with their aides – including out on the playground and in the lunchroom.

“Teachers are sometimes unwittingly unkind to kids and tend to keep them away from the other students,” she said. “As parents, we need to stay on top of this.”

Koegel adds that getting an education is not the same as making sure kids on the spectrum are ready to move on to the next step in life: “We need to sit in on therapy and teaching sessions and follow through to help make them independent and successful in all the various areas of concern.”

LaZebnik recalled that Andrew loved trains as a young child, and so they found train clubs where he could socialize: “This way he was with kids who also had a great love of trains, and this gave him a social group to enjoy.”

But now that he is a teen, it's tougher to find ways to help him develop socially, she said.

“I find I need to ask and answer, ‘How do I teach my child not to need me to teach him anymore?' The stakes are even higher and the risks greater for kids who can drive, go to parties where alcohol is served, live in college dorms and are still innocent and susceptible to peer manipulation.”

Koegel said that because these kids are more trusting and naive, they may go along with drinking games, trying drugs or exposing themselves in public, at the coaxing of their peers in an attempt to be popular.

LaZebnik felt compelled to work on making sure Andrew would check in on his own with his cell phone at certain intervals – training him to gain confidence to be in certain places, at certain times. The more he responded as asked, the less frequently he had to check in.

Parents need to do the research about what is the right thing to do for their child, Koegel and LaZebnik add, and not get sidetracked by the latest miracle treatment or method. Steady slow progress will prove to be much more rewarding and make for a life of successful changes, they said.

“As a parent of four, Andrew being our eldest, we've learned so much from him,” LaZebnik said. “Our kids tend to be very kind to one another. We as parents have been shaped by our love and concern for our family. Andrew made it possible for us to enjoy all of our children's uniqueness. It's the way we look at things; it's not a disability, but a wonderful difference.”